i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
