Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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