you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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