Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
