So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
