everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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