i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
