I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
