dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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