the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
