I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I love having hate sex.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize