My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Actions speak louder than pants.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
