just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
