I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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