He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
