This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
