There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
pray to the hookup gods
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
