he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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