I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
