my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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