In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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