I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
