Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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