At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
