RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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