and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
