Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize