id be glad to
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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