whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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