So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
