i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Someone shattered a urinal.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
