I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
