At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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