At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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