in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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