You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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