I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
