I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
