Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
