4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
