Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
