Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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