Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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