Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
