I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
