i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
