that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
