Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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