your thong is hanging out like whoa
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
