So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
