i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
