I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
