Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
