Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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