whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
