I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize