i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
