I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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