Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
