So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
