Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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