just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
