We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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