the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
