last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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