:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
