hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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