At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
