You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just pynch a tree in the face
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
pray to the hookup gods
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
