I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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