Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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