This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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